unfortunately

i can't help but see more than smiling faces and dancing bodies and all the signs of good music.
that should be fun.
that would be fun.
that could be my fun, maybe.

but probably not.

it looks to be my epitome of being whole; being alive.
aware of plight and struggle, but resilient hence.

man, but it's not. because all i can really see is that i'm not there.
all i see are better photos than i take of better people and better, whatever...
i will never be there.
i will never make music like that.
i will never make friends like that.
you want to be christ, but i know i'd be excluded.
by no fault of your own, mind you.
unfortunately society does have a game and we are all pawns and knights and rooks and bishops whether we like it or not.
you mofos can move where you like and i'm kinda stuck moving sideways one position at a time


you are hipsters. you are homeless.
you are vibrant and witty and with a social knack i'll never know

but you're not everything.
you don't have everything.
and you won't have my sins any more.

(and they're not better photos.)